Season 20 Drabbles
by RollinsFrostFan
Summary: New season, time for new ideas with Benson & Rollins. Some may be romantic, some may be friendship. Since the announcement of Kellis pregnancy and in turn Rollins pregnancy that will be a main feature in these. Im am still working on fics most currently "Where Do I Turn" this is just when I get spot ideas and quick stories. Thanks for reading
1. Alone

Alone

They had one of those on and off relationships. Alot of times it was just a sexual urge that needed to be fulfilled. Each of them understood it would never become much more. Both of them mothers, and devoted to their jobs; a full relationship just wasnt in the cards for them.

When they went their separate ways Amanda had begun dating a man named Al. He was a cardiologist. He seemed okay, the sex was great. Amanda thought she had found herself a good guy finally. Boy was she sadly mistaken. He turned out to favor the company of paid escorts as well as Amanda. He kept it hidden for a while, but one night after being intimate she found his wallet on the floor and upon picking it up a receipt for the services provided fell out. Oh she was pissed, ended it after that.

After a bit of time Amanda and the doctor worked things out and starting seeing each other again. This time resulting in Amanda getting pregnant.

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So Amanda had been working, lately missing the company she shared with Liv. Their nights of unbridled passion and cuddling afterwards. Never having to give each other an explanation as to why they needed each other, it was just understood. It was one afternoon at work and the case had been a tough one but Amanda needed to talk to her friend. Catching Liv in the break room she finally had her chance. Without missing a beat...

 _ **"Liv Im pregnant."**_ The younger woman had told her boss. Liv was taken aback as she wasnt expecting that at all. "Uh okay." Amanda had the look in her eye that was trying to be happy but deep down she wasnt, she was conflicted. They talked a bit and Amanda admitted she was unsure of keeping the baby. She really didnt know if she wanted another baby and though she hadnt made an appointment abortion was a thought that had crossed her mind more than once. Especially with Al and his wandering eye. Liv had talked to her and told her that ' _regret is an awful thing to live with.'_ When Amanda asked Liv if she had actually had an abortion Liv shook her head and walked away; silently giving Amanda the confirmation. The words stuck with Amanda. Though it was going to be hard to be a single mother to two young children, she really couldnt fathom abortion. Liv told her she would support her no matter what her decision was. Now to tell Al. When she told him he had assumed she was going to terminate the pregnancy and even offered to pay for the procedure.

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That night was the night Amanda decided she needed Liv. She needed the acceptance, the closeness, and all that they shared together. She knew Liv was up probably with a glass of wine after putting Noah to bed. So she sent a text. She didnt know how Liv would respond or if she would. But she had to try, she didnt know if it was the pregnancy hormones or what it was but she was missing Liv something terrible.

"I miss you. I miss us. I wish there was a way to erase all of this and go back to when we could just be with each other."

If she thought pressing send was nerve wracking, waiting for an answer was just as brutal. _'What was Liv going to think? What was she going to say. I need to tell Liv I'm keeping the baby.'_ She was lost in her thoughts, hoping like hell she didnt just make things awkward with Liv. Liv however was on the other side of town, having a glass of wine since she had just talked to Noah and sorted out their issue from the other night. So hard going to bed when you have a disagreement with your child, but it was settled and all was good in the Benson household. She was suprised to see she had a text from Amanda. Oh how she missed blonde too. Thoughts raced back to the last time she and Amanda had in her eyes made love. She answered the only way she could

 _ **"I miss you too. You dont know how badly I want that, but I dont want to come between you and Al."**_ Oh how Liv wanted them together again. She thought about that, but she didnt want to ruin anything between her friend and her boyfriend. She wanted nothing but happiness for this woman.

Amanda sat back, drinking some chammomile tea and flipping through the channels. She was so damn restless. When she saw that text, she couldnt believe it. She had broken it off with Al when he had offered to pay for her to pretty much get rid of the baby.

"Liv, he and I arent together. He offered to pay for me to 'take care of it'. I told him that I am keeping the baby and that I didnt need any help from him. So here I am once again alone, and now pregnant with another child."

Liv got that text and it broke her heart. She replied once again, the only way she knew how.

"Honey you are not alone. I am here, the squad is here. You have all of us. Most importantly you have me. Im a phone call away and I will be here for you every step of the way."


	2. Revealing Myself

_Just a little short based on season 20 episode "Accredo" Hope yall like this. Yeah its rated M but I rate all my fics that as I never know how they are going to turn out. Please leave feedback and let me know what you think._

 **Revealing Myself**

 **Hurt & Comfort**

 **Rated M**

"I can give you a week, tops."

Those were Liv's words about Amanda and her pregnancy and working. She hated the idea of being on desk duty. Liv completely understood as Amanda was a detective who loved her job and loved being a detective. They hadnt gotten along in the past but they had moved past it and even trusted each other now. As Amanda was getting to leave Liv's office she had gotten a call for a new case. Liv told them she was on it, as she hung up the phone she looked at Amanda and Amanda told her she was coming too. Liv shook her head, she knew Amanda was going to come whether she wanted her to or not. Amanda shot back " _You said I have a week_." Amanda was liking that they were paired up together more as of lately. It gave them time to get to know each other and relate to each other.

When they got to the scene it was a damn blood bath pretty much. The victim had been assaulted, stabbed and had something cut out of her skin on her ribcage. Liv tried to keep Amanda from looking as she didnt want her friend and fellow detective to be sick. But Amanda is stubborn and wanted to see anyway. Yeah that didnt go over so well. Next thing they knew Amanda had her hand over her mouth and was green, Liv made her leave the room.

The case went on it was a wierd one, some kind of Cult behavior with the women and the man who gave the speeches. Amanda didnt like him, he was too cocky and was a complete asshole. He did alot of what Yates did to her and that creeped her the fuck out. Knowing about her baby and questioning the father. Shit she hadnt thought about Al for a while and boom here come the thoughts all back again. At one point they found out that one of the women was involved in the killing and Amanda went off on her. She decided she was going to show her that she wasnt fucking around and that she was serious. Since pics they had obtained showed a group of women attacking one woman as well as the one that was sitting in the interrogation room having a boot on the victims neck. She got the woman on the floor and did the same thing. Liv watching this got pissed and scared. Amanda was really going all out and endangering herself as well as the perp. **"AMANDA... AMANDA."** Amanda stopped, looked at everyone and then walked out of the room. The blonde needed to cool off. She was so pissed but she couldnt really put a finger on where all her anger was infact coming from. All she knew was it was coming to the surface.

Amanda had gone to the break room to get something to eat as she was famished. Liv walked in not to shortly after. " _Your behavior was unnacceptable."_ Amanda didnt say anything at first. She continued to chew her food. Then she spoke _"When I was growing up I had a tv in my room 'Family Ties' was my favorite Alex P. I really really liked him. And I would turn the volume all the way up so I couldnt hear what was going on downstairs. The screaming, the cussing. We were not the 'Keatons'. My mom had this vase though. Wasnt really expensive but she really loved it, and he threw it at her. It shattered into a million pieces. And that was right before he beat the crap out of her."_ Liv interjected as Amanda was opening up and telling her this, for this was the first time Amanda really let her in and trusted her. "I'm so sorry, I didnt know." She didnt want to patronize the blonde woman telling her this, as she knew if Amanda felt that at all she would shut down and walk away. Amanda continued _"Thing is, I wasnt mad at him. I was SO mad at her. You know; how, how, how, how could she let him... So I know, I know, I was out of line. Story of my life."_ Amanda shut up right after that. Liv just watched her, unaware of how to react since Amanda could be touchy, she put her hand on her shoulder. "You know Amanda I am here anytime you want to talk. It doesnt always have to be a defense mechanism or way to explain your actions. I know you are going through so much with this pregnancy and Al." Liv remembered back when they actually had talked little about Al. Amanda nodded. "I know Liv. I appreciate that alot." Sensing there was more that Amanda maybe wanted to say but really didnt want to say it at the precinct where there is always ears around regardless if its intentional or not Liv decided to suggest they grab a bite to eat and just chat. "Hey Amanda, if you want why dont we leave the boys here to finish up ; and you and I go eat. After all you need to keep your strength up not just for you but the new baby and Jesse." Amanda thought for a second, she could really do with a girls night just talking. She hadnt had that and it may be her hormones talking to but she really craved the interaction. Softly replying yes, as all the emotion was getting to her. Damn this pregnancy she thought, one minute I'm about to bust into tears the next I'm wanting to kill someone. "But yeah Liv, I'd like that. As long as you're not busy and I'm not taking you away from Noah." Liv shook her head, "We will be fine. Ill spend extra time with him at bedtime."

They finished up their things. Amanda was actually really grateful for Liv wanting to take the time to sit and talk with her. She needed it. She sure wasnt getting it from her mother whom had stopped speaking to her for no reason. Kim had moved out and she hadnt seen or heard from her. Just thankful that Kim was keeping out of trouble fromm what she had assumed. Lucy agreed to stay a little later with Noah. Amanda had called her nanny and her nanny said it wasnt a problem to stay later with Jesse.

Liv came out of her office with her jacket on her arm and her phone and purse in hand. Stopping at Amanda's desk, the blonde after having a hell of a day had her head cradled in her hands. Liv gently touched the pale hand. "Amanda, you ready to go?" Amanda stood up, "Yeah I'm ready." Liv helped her get her jacket on and then they walked. Liv looked at Amanda she was seeing a bit of uncertainity in her friend. "Hey I'll drive us there and then bring you back to get your car. Figure give you a bit of a break." Amanda nodded and got in the car. Felt good to just rest her head back and relax. Liv put her hand on Amanda's for support as she drove to the restaurant. Amanda relaxed and just listened to the music Liv had playing softly.

At the restaurant they seated quickly. Amanda's phone going off and she was ignoring it. The waiter had brought Liv the wine she had asked for and Amanda her water. "So Amanda we arent at the precinct you dont need to put up a front. What's really going on?" Amanda was thumbing through the menu, she was hungry but nothing really caught her. Liv began looking through the her menu, figuring she'd give Amanda time to work out what she wanted to talk about. The waiter came back and took their order. Once they got their food Amanda began to talk. "Yes I grew up in an abusive household, as I told you. I havent had anyone bother to be there for me one-hundred percent for me. So I learned to get along all by myself. It's something I've done for so long I'm just accustomed to it. Can I ask you something?" Liv nodded "Sure Amanda, thats why we are out here; so we can talk." Amanda took a bite of her food and chased it down with some water. "Liv do you think I'm doing the right thing by keeping this pregnancy?" Liv reached over and touched her hand lightly. "I think you are doing what's right to you and you are a great mother honey dont second guess yourself on that." They talked some more. Finishing their dinners, deciding they were too full for desserts. Liv paid the bill with a bit of arguing from Amanda at first. Realizing that Liv wasnt going to take no for an answer she let Liv pay. "Fine Liv, you can pay this time. Next time I foot the bill." Liv smiled and said sure. This time in the car Amanda sang softly to the radio it was playing the current Carrie Underwood song "Love Wins" Liv was amazed at her voice. She never knew the blonde to have such a voice on her.

Upon getting back the precinct Liv parked her car and walked Amanda to hers. When they got to the blondes car Amanda unlocked her vehicle but didnt get in right away. She looked down at the ground tears starting to glisten in her eyes. "Thank you Liv, thanks for everything you did for me today. It means alot. I am sorry for snapping today on that perp, but we did get a confession." Liv could see that the blonde was looking for some kind of interaction. She was unsure of what it was but she pulled the blonde in her arms for a hug. Expecting her to pull away or back away, Amanda did just the opposite and hugged Liv back. The alone feeling slowly dissapating.

Liv kissed the top of Amanda's head whispering " _You're not alone anymore, I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I'm always a call away, and you have a key to my place, sweetie you are welcome there anytime."_ Amanda nodded with her head still on Liv's shoulder. "Thank you" Amanda said softly and got into her car and took off home. Liv did the same. Both were thankful for their budding friendship and being able to share.


	3. Her Brand Of Comfort

**This little drabble is based off of the season 20 episode 'Caregiver'. Yes I have made Al a complete asshole. I don't like him and don't trust him. Hope yall like this and Im still currently working on "Where Do I Turn".**

 **Her Brand Of Comfort**

 **Rating: M**

A young boy had been walking outside in his pajamas. He was walking like he had been in pain. The boy couldnt have been more than five years old if that. The woman who had found him screamed for help when the boy turned around and she saw that his stomach was covered in blood. As the little boy who when Benson and Fin arrived on the scene had been taken to St. Vincent's Hospital, they learned his name was Charlie Mill.

They enter the residence. It has that eerie silence to it. Both Benson and Fin had that gut feeling they were not going to stumble upon anything good. The first room they see is Charlie's, the bed covered in the little boy's blood. Liv saw the bed and had told Fin she had been planning on getting that exact bed for Noah as a Christmas gift. They went and checked the other rooms. They find the boy's sister and their father in their beds the same way they found Charlie's room, covered in blood. They had been dead a while. Benson kept her fingers crossed and hoped to high hell they werent going to find the mother somewhere else the same way. They luckily didnt come across any other casualties. They were thankful for that. More examination of the crime scene showed that there was no signs of forced entry. They learn that the mother of the kids and the wife of the man that was killed as well was Anna Mills. She was currently employed by Schwartz, Medley and Clark. Neighbors had said the woman usually left round 8am.

Back at the precinct Carisi who was talking to Fin and Liv gets a call from Amanda with devastating news. He hangs up and tells Liv and Fin that Amanda told him Charlie had succumbed to his injuries. As he was about to call Anna, Liv stopped him. She told him this was not the kind of news that a mother should hear over the phone. So where Carisi could already tell the case was taking a toll on his leiutenant he offered to go and talk to Anna. She didnt take the news well and collapsed in Sonnys arms. When Anna is at the precinct she is interviewed by Benson and Rollins. She loses her shit about her kids being dead. Rollins thought maybe the husband had an enemy at work. She explained her husband worked alone. She then added that the nanny Delores was the only one to have a key to their home. She went on to say the woman was like family and worked for them for a decade and worked every day except for sundays. That talk brought them to investigate Delores and they did find some damning evidence at her apartment a shirt with what looked to be stained in blood.

At the precinct Rollins and Benson are still mulling over details and talking to witnesses. The woman that found Charlie was talking to Rollins and told her that Delores was a happy woman who adored the children and she told her that Delores had a brother that she visited on her days off.

 ** _Later in the investigation..._**

The more they talked to Delores they got more information as she was the one to find Julian and Rachel. She had gone on to check on Charlie and he had been gone. She had been frightened after stumbling upon the the bodies but not finding Charlie only blood.

The case was getting harder to control. The women and mothers of the squad couldnt shake the loss of the children. They were mothers, yeah the kids werent theirs but it still majorly affected them. More evidence lead to a massive amount of money being pretty much stolen by Anna. So made them think some of the people she had stolen investments from had decided to get even. No. That was not the case and it just got that much darker.

Fin got a hold of tennis shoes that were Anna's. They had a stain of blood on them. Which after being tested was found out to be Rachel's blood. Anna's daughter. With the confrontation Anna was silent at first just staring at the shoes. Then she begins to cry, she wasnt able to hold it together anymore. Olivia asks that she killed them, that she was the one who did this. She had been the one to set it in motion and send them on a wild goose chase. Anna got cold and defensive. **_"Of course I did this. I had to. They are so much better off now."_**

She left Amanda and Olivia stunned with her revelation. Neither of them could fathom killing a child, especially their own and here this woman annihilated her whole family. Court was hard. Upon all testimonies including Leiutenant Benson, Anna was only found guilty of killing her husband. This rocked them. The whole squad couldnt figure out how she wasnt guilty of killing her kids. 'Like how could any mother kill her kids and justify it with the answer that they are so much better off now.' You could really see how bothered Amanda and Liv were ** _._**

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 _Back at the squadroom Amanda had been on the phone with Al. Seems he decided to send her flowers at work. Amanda being who she was, it made her uncomfortable. She called him and just as she said 'not at work Al.' Liv had walked out to check on her detective. Liv saw the flowers and commented on them. Amanda told her they werent for her when Liv gave a confused look and said "oh" Amanda pointed to her belly showing that the lovely bouquet was for the baby._

Amanda followed Liv into her office. Amanda starting off with her opinion of the woman. That she pretty much shouldnt be around on earth anymore. Liv told how when she got home the night before and put Noah to bed she stood at the doorway for like two hours watching him. Amanda looked at her look of hurt clear in her eyes. Her voice choked up as she replied " _I did the same thing._ " Right as she said it she reached for the taller brunette pulling her into a hug. They never were one for this as neither wanted the other to see them break. This case though. Liv broke the silence " ** _This just sucks._** " When they pulled apart Liv told Amanda to keep the flowers from Al. When Amanda questioned why, Liv just said " ** _Because sometimes we just need a little pretty._** "

Each of them went home to their kids. Al was bugging Amanda and she was clearly unhappy with the sending of the flowers. She told him she wanted space and he just told her she needed to let him care for her. She questioned it cause at first he offered to pay for her to ' _take care of it_ '. Then he told her that since she bitched at him for flowers she didnt deserve to have him there for her. She hung up with him and cried for a bit. Then she called Liv. She needed to talk to someone who would understand. When Amanda could barely talk on the phone Liv put her on hold and called Lucy to come over and sit with Noah. She couldnt let Amanda get all upset and stressed. Lucy told her of course and headed over. Liv clicked back over to Amanda and told her she was going to be on her way over there. Amanda's voice just broken " _you dont have to do that. I'm gonna just go to bed."_ Liv told her no. Lucy had gotten over there in no time. Liv thanked her and went on to Amanda's. She wanted to hug and just hold the blonde woman in her arms. Since she had driven Amanda home on more than one occasion lately as the pregnancy had started to take a toll on the young mom to be, she turned the radio on and there was a country song playing. _Amanda and her country music. Oh well at least it's soothing and relaxing._ She found herself singing along to Luke Bryan's "I Know You're Gonna Be There". She had to admit the guy did have a good voice and it was relaxing.

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Arriving at Amanda's house she knocked and waited a few. She could hear the blonde making her way to the door. Amanda opened the door, she looked down when she saw Liv standing there. Shit Al sent the flowers but he couldnt be assed to come over he had just told her to get some rest. Hands went to her belly as she let Liv in. Feeling bad that Liv left Noah especially after what had transpired today in that case. _"Liv you didnt have to come over. I was just gonna go to bed."_ Liv hugged her, she needed the connection just as bad as Amanda did. Obviously or Amanda would have never called her. "Amanda I needed to come over actually, if that makes sense. We both were left feeling some sort of way." Amanda nodded in agreement, she was feeling some sort of way.

What she wanted to tell Liv about Al's reaction to her not caring for the flowers was going to piss her off. But she really didnt want to be with the guy or even share this child with him now. Liv picked up on the pregnant woman's tenseness. Amanda not being able verbilize her feelings and how she wanted to say that put on her music and what happened to come on but Luke Bryan's "I Know You're Gonna Be There." Amanda just looked at Liv and wanted to tell her but the words didnt come and she just cried. Liv put her arms the blonde who was just a ball of emotion. "Honey, talk to me. What is going on with you?" Amanda was just so hurt by everything lately. "After I told Al and was upset about the flowers which is what you walked in on. He in turn told me that I was undeserving of having him here with me right now." Liv bit back, she didnt know how much Amanda really cared for the guy but his comments lately to her friend and towards her pregnancy were really pissing her off. So much so that if the man were right here right now she'd put him in his place.

"Look Amanda, I dont know your true feelings for this man, but he has been such an asshole towards you. First all that paying for escorts, then his reaction to your pregnancy and now... Now he goes and says this to you. Sweetie you dont deserve this. Honey what can I do?" Amanda just looked at her. Her blue eyes wanting the comfort but where her heart had been hurt so much she was afraid to want it and even accept it. Amanda's voice was soft, full of emotion and hurt. "Liv, I truly appreciate you coming over and being here, but with this case doesnt Noah need you? You should be home with him. This case hit you like it hit me." Liv put her hand on Amanda "Sweetie he's with Lucy, I'm good here. I was even going to text her and see if she could stay with him cause I dont want to leave you like this." Next thing Liv knew Amanda had propelled herself into her arms hugging her clinging to her. "Noone has been bothered to do this at all for me. If you want to stay I wont object. I may ask to be held but thats all."

Liv smiled, grabbed her phone out of her pocket real quick and told Lucy she was staying with Amanda and Lucy told her no problem. They sat on the couch for a bit Amanda let herself cuddle with Liv. After a little bit she started to doze. Liv pulled her up gently and lead her to her room. Laying her down and covering her up. Amanda grabbed her hand "Can you please stay and hold me? Your comfort is very soothing and calming."

Liv laid down and Amanda curled right up to her. "Im right here honey, no where else I need to be. Get some rest." She gently rubbed Amanda's protruding belly "You and this little one need some solid rest." Amanda's eyelids fluttered closed at the touch, she kept her hand atop of Liv's on her belly. Liv kissed the top of her head. "Goodnight sweetheart. I'm here for you now and for good. You can count on me."


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